If You're 30, You're Kind of Old

I totally stole this idea from another blog/site, but here are some things that personally make me feel old. Enjoy!

1) If your birthday is in 1981-

20 years before you born, The Beatles had yet to put out an album.

20 years ago this week, Nirvana's Nevermind had already sold a million copies.

2) It's been a decade since Will Ferrell has been a cast member on Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, whenever someone still mentions the word fever, someone else will always have to mention the word cowbell too.

3) Magic Johnson has had HIV for 20 years. He will probably outlive me.

4) Six years from now, the first year model of the Volkswagen New Beetle will be considered a "classic car." Also six years from now, if you own one or have ever owned one, you will be considered a "classic closeted homosexual."



5) U2's first major label album came out 32 years ago. They also entered a Battle of the Worst Band Name Ever and nobody has come close since, although Radiohead, Coldplay, and Butthole Surfers did the best they could.

6) "Mutt Cutts" and "I Got Worms" have been out of business for 17 years. Rhode Island bull-shiht and nightcrawler populations are in decline.

7) If Calvin had aged, he would now be 32 years old. And probably addicted to Adderall. And probably pissing on the West Virginian entrepreneur who created the stickers of him pissing on pickup truck logos. Also Hobbes would be dead (average lifespan of a tiger in captivity- 16-20 years).

8) It's been 16 years since O.J. Simpson was found not guilty. He's been doing his best to get to jail since then (tax evasion, assault charges, drug dealing), but thanks to Milton Bradley and their short-sighted business practices, they forgot to put expiration dates on their Monopoly cards. It's also mind-boggling that other defense lawyers don't know this.

9) The word MILF has been in the English vocabulary for 12 years. Douchebags have been around longer, with no signs of extinction.

10) The New Kids on the Block broke up before Justin Bieber was even born. (Sorry this was a terrible one).

11) Clarissa hasn't had any explanations since 1994. Probably because any teenage explanation is generally pointless.

And one bonus:

12) The two biggest hip-hop artists ever (in terms of albums sold), Jay-Z and Kanye West, released "Watch the Throne" in August. It has only sold 1 million copies after five months. Eighteen years ago, The Jerky Boys first "album" ever was serendipitously released right before caller I.D., and sold 2 MILLION copies. Of phone calls. Like the "hilarious" clip below.